Another great read! I had a friend-of-friend tell me I was 'brave' with my selfie posts because I never use filters, just chuck up what I take. Mostly due to laziness but also, I'm 46 and figure all my mates know by now what I actually look like:)
Gosh isn't it mad that just our normal faces are "brave"?! I have definitely got used to the sight of my own forehead/fivehead by taking lots of running selfies though.
God I love this. I’m 53 and hate my legs. I felt ridiculously proud of myself for wearing shorts on holiday a few weeks ago. It was 35C & I was baking but still I wondered what people might think if they saw my pasty, badly fake tanned legs out in the wild. Thank you!
Well done! It's mad to discover how many women hate their legs... I think I grew up believing that everyone else had long, lean, bronzed popstar legs that they loved. But I guess I didn't notice the normal ones that weren't out!
I love this piece so much (SO much that it promoted me to upgrade my subscription!)
I lost quite a lot of weight a few years ago, after doing some work on my relationship with food and alcohol - and something that really blew my mind was realising that for me, being a new size x felt liberating and thrilling - but for some people, being a size x would be their worst nightmare come true. Reading your post, and trying to prepare my body for the future by staying as mobile/nourished/hydrated as possible has made me realise how grafeful I am for developing an active relationship with my body. NGL, I want to look hot! And sometimes I feel hot! But in my twenties I felt as though my body was coming last in a competition I didn’t even want to enter. Now that I’m almost 40, my body feels more like my garden. It’s mine to spend time in, and that’s why I want to look after it and ENJOY looking after it. X
Thank you so much for upgrading! Yes I've felt the same when losing weight (more than once!), the freedom of being able to go into any shop and buy a size 12 when that would be a no-go size for many of my friends. Definitely makes for some awkward conversations!
I love the garden analogy although my actual garden is overgrown and has a crumbling wall and a fair amount of cat poo in it so hopefully my body is in a better state.
Isabel, in a completely non-stalker, not Baby Reindeer way, can we be friends😂This made me laugh and it also is a great message. I’m sick to the teeth with women feeling that they have to make excuses for how they look and talking about how they think how they should look. There is no “ middle aged women are supposed/ not supposed to look/be, just relax and do what the hell you want. I totally care about my body in the manner that I want it to be healthy and strong and…yay! bonus, that has kinda also made it look not bad either and I’m proud of that because, like Polly, it has been a shitload of hard work. There’s been sweat, tears and even some blood😂By the way, if I did a Parkrun, I would look like the 🥵emoji and you look so fresh and lovely🥰
I was in the 'hot' and 'sexy' category - I was a striptease artist and erotica model 2002-2014. I was told I was stunning on a daily basis and handed cash to 'prove' it. I used to stress over how aging would affect my mental health, about how losing that 'hotness' would feel. But now I'm 49, and as I have journeyed through my 40s I have given less and less of a damn. It's one of the joys of having less of the "I need everyone to like me and fancy me" hormone estrogen. Also, I have started to see older friends and family experiencing health challenges, cancer diagnoses etc, and that really puts into perspective what's actually important.
Being a stripper in the early Noughties insulated me from the peak heat magazine effects - I saw fellow dancers who heat would have put plenty of red circles on, making a fortune, and all types of body shapes being celebrated.
This is a great read! I’m 48 and in school in the 90’s, when empathy, compassion and positive body image had yet to be discovered, my ‘friends’ used to call me thunder thighs. Fast forward 25 years and this is the FIRST summer I have worn shorts, in part promoted by the Sweaty Betty campaign. I’m in ok shape but my thighs have always been my bête noire but now I give so many fewer fucks that they’re practically non existent. FREE THE THIGHS!!!
Hey! I started a comment and realised I want to write a post about your post and Polly’s post and I looked at subscribing to your Substack and her Substack and haven’t yet subscribed to either but I did think seriously about it which is more meaningful I think* Maybe next month. Holiday credit card debt currently looming.
Anyway, I wanted to say: I have got ‘fat’ and wrinkly and more moody in the last year. Antidepressants and middle age = 10 st 8 where all my whole previous 46 years of life I was 8st 10 (too thin) to 9 st 7 (feeling a bit heavy) but mostly somewhere in the middle except when preggo when I did reach 11st once.
So I know I’m not fat I. The grand scheme of things. I exercise every day. I eat ok. But it’s really taking a lot to get my head round not being thin. I feel fat. I’ve had to get rid of clothes and knickers and swimming costumes. I jiggle when I walk. So in answer to your question is it better to have had and lost than never to have had at all? The jury is still out. I certainly don’t feel happy about it, and I wonder if my ‘happy being naked love my body’ attitude my whole life was basically because I was thin. Never had tits but thin was the compensation. Anyways thanks for the post. As always food for thought AND I’m going to buy some cool running shorts to train for the marathon.
Thank you! I think marathon-training might get you back closer to "love my body" in terms of respecting it for being strong and amazing as you train harder and run further. I definitely felt powerful, didn't lose any weight but noticed changes in my body that I liked and it's helped me take the focus off weight/size for sure.
"It’s why I’m wondering if never feeling defined by having a “hot” (read: slim) body is, in fact, a blessing as we get older when it becomes harder to maintain anyway."
As someone who was once 60-70 pounds heavier than I am now, and who was not anything close to slim/not considered "hot" until my mid-20s, I have observed that I seem to be wayyy more accepting than some women I know of things like a few pounds of weight gain (when people talk about the horrors of gaining 10 pounds I'm like, lol, I can and have gained 10 pounds in a weekend), stretch marks, cellulite, whatever, because I had all that stuff when I was like 13 years old. Kind of a blessing, I guess.
Exactly the same as me right down to the amount of pounds lost (although more than once in my case!). I also definitely don't think of stretch marks and cellulite as really being a thing even though I definitely have both!
I never ever ever get my legs out and I was just remarking to a friend that maybe - just maybe - next summer (I’ll be 49) I might need to get them out and just get over this thing! I was also milk bottle legs at school and have ‘sturdy’ legs and cankles 😬 You have inspired me!
I would love to subscribe but am on a super low income so can’t. I really hope you keep doing some public posts, your writing is brilliant!
This such a good read! I’m 35 so possibly people may tell me to piss off but I *deeply* related to this because ill health/early medical menopause etc has left me feeling mentally about 180 and physically, well, deceased! One of the biggest headfucks is not having your old body, or the body of your peers, and also knowing it’s basically impossible to get it back but also you know life is short and you’d rather just have a nice time in some weather appropriate clothes… actually, I should probably stop waffling in this comment and write about it 😂 Thank you for the inspiration!
That sounds very hard. I went into perimenopause 5-ish years ago at 38 (family history, was expecting it but it's been a rollercoaster at times) so I definitely feel like I've been giving my friends a little preview of what's to come. I read the news the other day about how everyone ages dramatically at the very specific ages of 44 and 60, but I'm hoping I did the 44 bit early due to the early meno thing. Hopefully it's the same for you!
I LOVE this so much! I’m a 36 year old woman who is a size 16 and posts regular Pilates selfies. It’s cos I’m proud of what my body can do and I absolutely agree we should champion bodies of all sizes at all ages. We don’t just become women who are less than, once we pass particular birthday milestones!
Glad I stumbled across this.. it made me smirk and giggle out loud! I hated my legs at school - it didn’t help that I was short and stumpy next to my gorgeous tall willowy friends with the legs to match. I also struggle a bit with posting my face and self online, but really should just get over it because I’m over 40 now and really, nobody actually cares and if they do, they can stuff it and get blocked. So thank you for this read, I’m feeling a little “braver” now :)
Another great read! I had a friend-of-friend tell me I was 'brave' with my selfie posts because I never use filters, just chuck up what I take. Mostly due to laziness but also, I'm 46 and figure all my mates know by now what I actually look like:)
Gosh isn't it mad that just our normal faces are "brave"?! I have definitely got used to the sight of my own forehead/fivehead by taking lots of running selfies though.
God I love this. I’m 53 and hate my legs. I felt ridiculously proud of myself for wearing shorts on holiday a few weeks ago. It was 35C & I was baking but still I wondered what people might think if they saw my pasty, badly fake tanned legs out in the wild. Thank you!
Well done! It's mad to discover how many women hate their legs... I think I grew up believing that everyone else had long, lean, bronzed popstar legs that they loved. But I guess I didn't notice the normal ones that weren't out!
I love this piece so much (SO much that it promoted me to upgrade my subscription!)
I lost quite a lot of weight a few years ago, after doing some work on my relationship with food and alcohol - and something that really blew my mind was realising that for me, being a new size x felt liberating and thrilling - but for some people, being a size x would be their worst nightmare come true. Reading your post, and trying to prepare my body for the future by staying as mobile/nourished/hydrated as possible has made me realise how grafeful I am for developing an active relationship with my body. NGL, I want to look hot! And sometimes I feel hot! But in my twenties I felt as though my body was coming last in a competition I didn’t even want to enter. Now that I’m almost 40, my body feels more like my garden. It’s mine to spend time in, and that’s why I want to look after it and ENJOY looking after it. X
Thank you so much for upgrading! Yes I've felt the same when losing weight (more than once!), the freedom of being able to go into any shop and buy a size 12 when that would be a no-go size for many of my friends. Definitely makes for some awkward conversations!
I love the garden analogy although my actual garden is overgrown and has a crumbling wall and a fair amount of cat poo in it so hopefully my body is in a better state.
Isabel, in a completely non-stalker, not Baby Reindeer way, can we be friends😂This made me laugh and it also is a great message. I’m sick to the teeth with women feeling that they have to make excuses for how they look and talking about how they think how they should look. There is no “ middle aged women are supposed/ not supposed to look/be, just relax and do what the hell you want. I totally care about my body in the manner that I want it to be healthy and strong and…yay! bonus, that has kinda also made it look not bad either and I’m proud of that because, like Polly, it has been a shitload of hard work. There’s been sweat, tears and even some blood😂By the way, if I did a Parkrun, I would look like the 🥵emoji and you look so fresh and lovely🥰
Haha, a Baby Reindeer style message would be way less articulate! And YES to all this!
I was in the 'hot' and 'sexy' category - I was a striptease artist and erotica model 2002-2014. I was told I was stunning on a daily basis and handed cash to 'prove' it. I used to stress over how aging would affect my mental health, about how losing that 'hotness' would feel. But now I'm 49, and as I have journeyed through my 40s I have given less and less of a damn. It's one of the joys of having less of the "I need everyone to like me and fancy me" hormone estrogen. Also, I have started to see older friends and family experiencing health challenges, cancer diagnoses etc, and that really puts into perspective what's actually important.
Being a stripper in the early Noughties insulated me from the peak heat magazine effects - I saw fellow dancers who heat would have put plenty of red circles on, making a fortune, and all types of body shapes being celebrated.
This is a great read! I’m 48 and in school in the 90’s, when empathy, compassion and positive body image had yet to be discovered, my ‘friends’ used to call me thunder thighs. Fast forward 25 years and this is the FIRST summer I have worn shorts, in part promoted by the Sweaty Betty campaign. I’m in ok shape but my thighs have always been my bête noire but now I give so many fewer fucks that they’re practically non existent. FREE THE THIGHS!!!
Hurrah for your thighs of freedom! Although it's a bit cold today isn't it... I fear it will be back to leggings for my next run.
Hey! I started a comment and realised I want to write a post about your post and Polly’s post and I looked at subscribing to your Substack and her Substack and haven’t yet subscribed to either but I did think seriously about it which is more meaningful I think* Maybe next month. Holiday credit card debt currently looming.
Anyway, I wanted to say: I have got ‘fat’ and wrinkly and more moody in the last year. Antidepressants and middle age = 10 st 8 where all my whole previous 46 years of life I was 8st 10 (too thin) to 9 st 7 (feeling a bit heavy) but mostly somewhere in the middle except when preggo when I did reach 11st once.
So I know I’m not fat I. The grand scheme of things. I exercise every day. I eat ok. But it’s really taking a lot to get my head round not being thin. I feel fat. I’ve had to get rid of clothes and knickers and swimming costumes. I jiggle when I walk. So in answer to your question is it better to have had and lost than never to have had at all? The jury is still out. I certainly don’t feel happy about it, and I wonder if my ‘happy being naked love my body’ attitude my whole life was basically because I was thin. Never had tits but thin was the compensation. Anyways thanks for the post. As always food for thought AND I’m going to buy some cool running shorts to train for the marathon.
*Zoolander fans oblique ref*
Thank you! I think marathon-training might get you back closer to "love my body" in terms of respecting it for being strong and amazing as you train harder and run further. I definitely felt powerful, didn't lose any weight but noticed changes in my body that I liked and it's helped me take the focus off weight/size for sure.
"It’s why I’m wondering if never feeling defined by having a “hot” (read: slim) body is, in fact, a blessing as we get older when it becomes harder to maintain anyway."
As someone who was once 60-70 pounds heavier than I am now, and who was not anything close to slim/not considered "hot" until my mid-20s, I have observed that I seem to be wayyy more accepting than some women I know of things like a few pounds of weight gain (when people talk about the horrors of gaining 10 pounds I'm like, lol, I can and have gained 10 pounds in a weekend), stretch marks, cellulite, whatever, because I had all that stuff when I was like 13 years old. Kind of a blessing, I guess.
Exactly the same as me right down to the amount of pounds lost (although more than once in my case!). I also definitely don't think of stretch marks and cellulite as really being a thing even though I definitely have both!
I never ever ever get my legs out and I was just remarking to a friend that maybe - just maybe - next summer (I’ll be 49) I might need to get them out and just get over this thing! I was also milk bottle legs at school and have ‘sturdy’ legs and cankles 😬 You have inspired me!
I would love to subscribe but am on a super low income so can’t. I really hope you keep doing some public posts, your writing is brilliant!
Oh yes I will definitely still doing public posts, probably about 50/50, will experiment - and thank you!
This such a good read! I’m 35 so possibly people may tell me to piss off but I *deeply* related to this because ill health/early medical menopause etc has left me feeling mentally about 180 and physically, well, deceased! One of the biggest headfucks is not having your old body, or the body of your peers, and also knowing it’s basically impossible to get it back but also you know life is short and you’d rather just have a nice time in some weather appropriate clothes… actually, I should probably stop waffling in this comment and write about it 😂 Thank you for the inspiration!
That sounds very hard. I went into perimenopause 5-ish years ago at 38 (family history, was expecting it but it's been a rollercoaster at times) so I definitely feel like I've been giving my friends a little preview of what's to come. I read the news the other day about how everyone ages dramatically at the very specific ages of 44 and 60, but I'm hoping I did the 44 bit early due to the early meno thing. Hopefully it's the same for you!
I love this post! I definitely find myself caring less about my body as I get older which is definitely liberating
Thank you! I guess it's partly because we start to feel like people aren't looking at us as much, unless we invite them to.
I LOVE this so much! I’m a 36 year old woman who is a size 16 and posts regular Pilates selfies. It’s cos I’m proud of what my body can do and I absolutely agree we should champion bodies of all sizes at all ages. We don’t just become women who are less than, once we pass particular birthday milestones!
Glad I stumbled across this.. it made me smirk and giggle out loud! I hated my legs at school - it didn’t help that I was short and stumpy next to my gorgeous tall willowy friends with the legs to match. I also struggle a bit with posting my face and self online, but really should just get over it because I’m over 40 now and really, nobody actually cares and if they do, they can stuff it and get blocked. So thank you for this read, I’m feeling a little “braver” now :)